January 2011
14 posts
Jokes for January 28th, 2011.
In a YouTube interview, Obama confused Iraq and Afghanistan. People do mix those two up, sometimes to the point where you invade one instead of the other.
Speaking of Bush, in an interview for C-SPAN he said, “I’m through with politics.” If only he had said that during his presidency, his approval rating would have gone through the roof.
Due to the turmoil in Egypt, the...
Jokes for January 27th, 2011.
A lot of people are still talking about Obama’s State of the Union speech. John Boehner said it was so beautiful he cried at the end. And the beginning. And the middle.
Barack Obama’s new slogan Winning the Future, or WTF, has already become very popular, big letters, “Obama WTF” on tee shirts and bumper stickers of countless Republicans.
Sarah Palin was quick to...
Jokes for January 26th, 2011.
In his State of the Union speech last night, President Obama said that the U.S. is a nation “of Google and Facebook.” At least until we sell them to China to pay off our debt.
The founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, had his Facebook profile hacked. Unfortunately hackers guessed his password, “suckitmyspace.”
Michael Vick just got his first sponsorship since his...
Jokes for January 25th, 2011.
Inception is being nominated for Best Picture. Writer and director Christopher Nolan says it feels like a dream come true, or a dream come true inside another dream, but like, he knows he’s dreaming, but not really, ah, never mind.
The Department of Health says that people who sleep with their pets run the risk of getting diseases. Though that’s only if you get carried away and...
Jokes for January 24th, 2011.
Joe Biden started jury duty today. Biden said he’s more than happy to serve, it gives him something to do.
Today the Pope said that social networking can give people a sense of alienation and depersonalisation. Obviously the Pope is very concerned about this, it’s clearly ripping off Catholicism.
Dubai has opened the world’s highest restaurant, 1,350 feet in the sky. The...
Jokes for January 21st, 2011.
The vice president of Microsoft has unveiled a new perfume for women that smells like money. I don’t know about you but when I meet a woman who reeks of money, I think, “prostitute.”
The biggest mafia bust in US history occurred yesterday, putting away the likes of Tony Bagels, Johnny Pizza, Jello, and Meatball. Of course none of this would have been possible without the...
Jokes for January 20th, 2011.
Critics are saying MTV’s new show Skins boarders on child pornography because it depicts teens being sexually explicit. MTV has said, “Don’t be ridiculous, if we couldn’t show footage of teens being sexually explicit Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus wouldn’t have careers.”
A man trying to board a flight at JFK realized he forgot his ID so he tried making his...
Jokes for January 19th, 2011.
Starbucks has a new app that lets you pay for coffee on your cell phone. Which is great because Starbucks customers are already so used to not looking up from their cell phones when ordering.
Jon Gosselin finally got a job. He’s managing his kids lemonade stand.
Three burglars in Florida broke into a woman’s home and ended up stealing cremated remains thinking they had found...
Jokes for January 18th, 2011.
The Octomom is staring in an adult video. Something tells me 13 years from now eight kids are going to really regret Googling their mom’s name.
Brett Favre has turned in his retirement paperwork. This time you can tell he’s serious, he used pen.
Utah may soon use a blimp as an anti-crime spy in the sky. Because no one would notice a blimp spying on them. They’re also...
Jokes for January 17th, 2011.
A prison in Russia is going to start offering tanning beds for their prisoners. Because in prison, you really want to look as attractive as you can.
Starbucks is unveiling a new, bigger size for their coffee. Which means having to wait in line longer while people try to figure out how to pronounce their orders.
In Boston, a cat has been selected for jury duty and even though the court has...
Jokes for January 14th, 2011.
Everyone is talking about this, the way to find your zodiac sign has changed. So you know that person you don’t get along with because they’re a Pieces and you’re a Libra? Turns out they’re just an asshole.
Oil could soon be up to $100 dollars a barrel. The government is advising people to be a little more conservative about their oil usage, and definitely, under no...
Jokes for January 13th, 2011.
A Chicago bar is being criticized for asking a pregnant woman to leave. To be fair, that fetus’s ID looked totally fake.
The government is imposing new nutrition rules for school bought lunches. Studies show that with the new regulations kids will be five times less likely to become obese, while students who bring their lunch will be seven times more likely to have their cupcakes...
Jokes for January 11th, 2011.
A man in Missouri robbed a McDonald’s last night armed with a shotgun and demanding food. The suspect has been described as a white male with red hair wearing a black and white stripped jumpsuit, a cape and sombrero.
Owen Wilson is going to be a father. We can only hope the child will have its mother’s nose.
Yesterday police were notified about a baby being sold on Craigslist....
Jokes for January 10th, 2011.
Virginia schools may ban teachers from friending students on Facebook. Which makes sense, in recent years there’s been a big problem with teachers poking students.
Sarah Palin’s Alaska will not be coming back for a second season. Instead she wants to focus on cooking show, 30 Minute Moose Meals.
The former Miss England is deploying to Afghanistan. Boy, when she said she wanted...