Rick Perry says he wasn’t intoxicated during his speech in New Hampshire.  He just inhaled too many hairspray fumes.

Playboy is going to redo Lindsay Lohan’s photos.  Instead of going completely nude they’re going to photograph her leaving the club at a reasonable hour completely sober, because they want to give readers something they’ve never seen before.

They’re apparently not very happy with the photos.  I think they realized they don’t need airbrushing, they need a time machine.

Justin Bieber will have to take a paternity test.  Right after he finishes studying for his chemistry test.

The mother says it’s definitely his, the baby has his father’s bowl cut.

In Argentina they found fossils of a saber-toothed squirrel.  Right next to the remains of a cave-less cavemen sleeping on a prehistoric park bench.

Lot of questions surrounding Herman Cain right now.  Is he lying?  Is she lying?  Is it delivery or is it DiGiorno?