I hope everyone watches the debate tonight.  This is an important one, whoever wins this one gets Ron Paul’s pot of gold.

A new blood test can determine a baby’s gender at just seven weeks.  That’s amazing, I was nine when my parent’s figured mine out. 

In NYC sex ed is now mandatory in public schools.  Experts say it will stop the spread of STDs, unwanted pregnancy and really awkward conversations with your parents.  

The Statue of Liberty will close down for a year to undergo renovations.  Which is just a classy way to say ‘boob lift.’

Instead of a stone tablet she’ll now be holding a sign that says, “Desperate for work.”

The producers of Sesame Street have announced that Bert and Ernie will never get married.  A lot of people are very upset about this.  Especially Ernie.

Apparently Bert had a long talk with Michael Bachmann.